


Supernatural: One Life

by denixvames



Series: Super Supernatural [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denixvames/pseuds/denixvames
Summary: Keeping track of the time before Jack lost his soul and the aftermath of things, he writes in detail of the situations he has gone through with the others. It starts off with the secret funeral he has for a special angel as he sets off to find a way to bring that said archangel to life. When he goes around to try desperate methods, it doesn't take long for himself to get caught by his family who have to stop him.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Series: Super Supernatural [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962463
Kudos: 1





	1. Take Notes

Sam looked over the pictures of his mother. When Mary came around, they were able to take photos. They wasted no time in catching a moment or posing whenever they could. All of the photos were developed. In the present day of digital everything, it made more sense to keep it in a phone but to brush his hand over the glossy print just made it seem like he was somehow hugging her. The lamp at his desk was burning hot. It had light his diary for some time. He wasn't sure how to start his new entry. He wobbled the pencil in his hand until a thought came. As he wrote over everything he could think of, he heard a knock at his door. He closed his diary and placed it in the drawer. He turned his head to see his brother holding a glass of scotch.

"Hey Sam, you want a drink?" "No, I'm fine." Dean heard his tone. He walked to his side. "Do you want to talk?" "About what?" "C'mon Sam. You know who I'm talking about." Sam read his face. "So, you'll have a conversation about him but not mom?" "Gab-" "Don't even say his name! We wanted to have some drinks and bring up memories of mom but Gabriel? Sure let's focus on him instead." Dean raised a brow. "I thought you loved him." "I do but I don't choose favorites when it comes to funerals." ,said Sam. "Look, I'm just not good at talking about death." "You didn't have a problem for Jacks'." "That was different." ,said Dean. "How?" Sam stood from his seat. "Because from where I'm looking at it right now, I don't think you really cared enough to discuss about mom." "I cried!" ,said Dean. Sam stopped for a moment. "You what?" Dean bit his lip. "I told you guys that I was going to a bar." He glanced at his drink. "I went somewhere to cry."

"Why? You didn't have to hide your feelings." "Yes, I do! I have to make sure that these people can trust me. I have to be confident and emotionless. All of you are counting on me." "That doesn't mean you should hold anything back. There's nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts." ,said Sam. "Sounds smart. Why didn't you take that advice when me and Cas had to stop you from killing yourself?!" "Dean, I didn't know what to do! I was grieving!" "You don't think I wasn't when Cas died?!" Sam scoffed, "Anytime he is dead, he always comes back! But me? Praying for Gabriel to come back is like asking for a miracle! Why couldn't Jack bring him out of The Empty?!" "Even if Jack did do that, Michael would have killed him all over again. We would have gone back to square one." Sam hissed, "Cas should have fought Michael! Not Gabe!" Dean caught his eye on a framed photo of Sam with Gabriel's arm wrapped over his shoulder as he had a wide opened grin while Sam kissed his cheek. He left the room without another word.  
Sam never saw his brother as the silent type but today he was worried. He sat down at his desk. "Gabriel, I wish you were here. Maybe you'd know what to do." He put the frame face down. The sight of his deceased boyfriend made him remember it all too well. How they went to the Apocalypse Universe to get everybody out. How he had to watch his beautiful sweet archangel die at the hands of his own brother. It seemed like he never had time to mourn so he came up with other plans. Plans that he thought were a good idea. That was before and that's what he'll write about because there's no way he could explain himself clearly even if they did knew. He sharpened his pencil. With the first letter, he began his entry.

After we got out of the Apocalypse world, we had soon found out that we lost a few men. I already knew that I had lost an archangel. We celebrated our victory and mourned for our friends through drinks and conversations but no one ever mentioned him. It was like he never existed. I pretended to not care but I kind of wished Castiel would have said something. For some reason, he didn't say anything either. He must have cared. After all, it was his brother who died for us. I wonder if he's trying to hide how he feels too for Dean and us. And I also wonder if Jack's birth is the reason why Gabriel is dead. If he hadn't existed, that portal would have never opened and Lucifer would have never trapped mom with him in The Apocalypse world. None of us wouldn't have to be there either. Yet, if Jack hadn't opened that portal, Gabriel would still be trapped under Asmodeus's powers. Who knows? Maybe I would have missed him longer under my own ignorance. In some ways, Jack is the reason why I fell in love with him. He gave me the person that I needed without even realizing it. And then somehow he knew. He knew because I tried to make him-"

He set the pencil aside. He wanted to remember more but was having trouble. What happened earlier made everything else foggy. He sighed. He switched the lamp off and head to bed where he would sleep in hopes of getting his memories back.


	2. Let Me Go

The party for the funeral had begun. Everybody was having conversations with each other. "Gabe....he'd been  
on the run for so long. He sacrificed himself. He's the reason Sam and me got out. We owe him everything." Sam had stumbled on hearing his brother speak like that about Gabriel. It came as a surprise to him but he cherished the kindness that went along with it through thinking about his sacrifice. He held his tears as he toasted after Bobby was done with his speech. He had to talk to the others or else face questions of whether or not he was ok. I watched Ketch pull Gabriel to our view. Somehow, the British former agent for Men Of Letters, had found his way inside. I almost lowered my gun when I saw the archangel who I assumed died at Lucifer's hand because of an angel's blade. It turns out that archangel's had their own blades. Nothing was universal. But when I saw him, our love was.

Dean handed Sam a chocolate bar which was said to contain nougat and caramel. "I saw Gabriel eat this one time. When the Bobby from this world died, we drank some of his old alcohol. It was still pretty good. I figured we could do the same thing for him." Sam hesitated but took the bar. He set his glass on the map table. With a tear, he revealed the chocolatey sweet candy bar which reminded him of the first time he ever met Gabriel. Back when things were so simple. All he had to do was kill a monster and that would be the end of it. But this wasn't simple anymore. There was no black and white decision to make. He had to think things through. He tore a piece and gave one to Dean then another to Castiel. He ate his piece with them. Dean pat his shoulder. "We can take a look at those pictures if you have any." Sam nodded. It didn't take long to find a small pile of developed photos.

Each picture was laid out for everyone to see. The truth had came out pretty quickly. Sam had a relationship with Gabriel but no one judged since the archangel was on their side and had conversed with him in the short time that they could. Sadly, Sam wouldn't recall the caring words they gave him or the short speeches his close friends or relatives gave about Gabriel. The hugs he was given as he cried and the long speech he gave about Gabriel. He wouldn't remember any of it because- "Because it screwed you up so bad." ,said Dean who was sitting at Sam's desk across from his bed. Sam was in a deep sleep but Dean hoped he could hear him. He snuck inside to check on him. Taking a chance, he read the journal entries that were dated before they found Gabriel and after. There was a new entry with barely a couple of sentences. "It pretty much explains why you thought that I didn't care about him at the party. Watching someone you love die right in front of you...That twisted your brain into whatever the hell came out of the Apocalypse. You probably don't even remember the conversations you had with Gabriel or us while we were there."

Dean swallowed. He licked his lips as he had trouble saying another word. "There are scars on your arms. Castiel had to heal you but it only made you forget even more. Maybe we should have left them there to heal on their own." Castiel slowly opened the door. Dean stood from the chair and went to him. "Do you need anything?" ,asked the angel. "I was just heading out. Letting him sleep, you know?" He left the room with the door closed behind him. "Dean, are you ok?" "I'm fine, Cas." The angel looked at him. "...I'm fine." Dean headed for the kitchen when Castiel suddenly held his hand. "At least let me join you." Dean smirked. "You're something else, blue eyes."

Sam gasped awake. "Gabriel!" He looked around. He swore he dreamt the archangel to be by his side in the middle of the grey forest. They were together. Alone and in temporary bliss. Those kisses, caresses, and that warm embrace were something that he tried to savor for as long as he could. From Dean's talking to him, he was able to put the pieces together without understanding how he got his memories back. Quickly, he went to his desk to write the rest.

From Diary  
It was after the funeral party and after Dean had found him as a crying mess in the middle of the night. Holding a lollipop. He woke up the next morning. Dean knocked on his door. "Hey Sam! I got breakfast!" Sam checked his clock for the thousandth time. It was 9:40. "I'm not hungry!" His brother opened the door. "We're not doing this crap. You're going to eat every last thing that's on this plate or I'll make you eat." Sam sighed as he was forced to sit up. Dean placed the tray of bacon and pancakes on his lap. Sam took the glass of milk and set it on a drawer nearby. "Thanks." "Sam if you need to-" He said defensively, "I said I'll eat." Dean nodded. "Ok." He walked down the hall at a slow pace. Wondering what he could do to make up for what he felt like he had done.

Sam stared at the breakfast. "I would have made this for you if we still had time." He cut through the syrupy butter covered pancakes. "You and I could share because Dean makes the biggest pancakes known to mankind." He chucked at his own humor. "Or you might like the eggs more. There's none of them here but you seemed to have liked them. I would have made that for you instead if you wanted that." His voice slowly broke. Tears landed on the pancakes. He continue to eat despite wanting to take it all out. He was hungry. He just wished he could deny it. Yet, his brother never gave up on him. At that moment, he also wished he would.


	3. Making A Deal

"God, I ask for your forgiveness and I beg you to bring Gabriel back. I need- We need him. If I have sinned then give my life for his. Amen." Sam had finished writing about the funeral party. He wasn't sure what else happened so he assumed it was his doing that made Gabriel die. Did he kill Gabriel? He asked himself since that day. However, those memories came too. That's when he felt it. Their first kiss. He had to describe everything before those details would go away. So he did.

From Diary  
A forceful breakfast later and he was looking through the books at the library. There was a large pile next to him while he read through every single one of them. None of which had any solutions except for one. The Necronomicon. He knew of its consequences. Its disadvantages and advantages. It was a plan that he would save for later. There had to be more than one solution. "Hey Sammy, what are you looking at?" ,asked Dean. Sam shut the book. "Just reading up on things." Dean arched a brow. "Like what?" Luckily for Sam, he had a laptop opened. "For a case." "A case? It's pretty early after everything that's happened." "I know but monsters don't stop for us." ,said Sam. Dean leaned against the table. "You have a point there but you're not going." "Believe me. I don't want to go anywhere." "Alright then. What do you got?" Sam explained the article with its mysterious deaths. Dean decided to team up with his mother for this one. Castiel was busy with Jack as he was teaching him about humanity.

Sam was alone. And that's what he wanted. He found some chopped wood in the storage room but had to chop down some more at the forest which was not too far from the bunker. He swung his axe at every fresh bit of tree he knew he needed. Each hit was an image per second of Gabriel smiling, running, getting hurt, being afraid, being the trickster, being a demi god named Loki, faking his own death multiple times, being a hero for his ex girlfriend, saving Sam and Castiel from Asmodeus, killing Loki and his sons, trying to fight Michael...…. Sam screamed at the last chop! His knees became weak. He caught his breath. By his own hands, he built the log made funeral bed. He surrounded it with various flowers. "You might not like flowers being at your funeral but it beats buying candy to burn." He poured gasoline over the funeral bed. "If we had your body, it would have been here. That's our tradition so no one will find out abou-" He hesitated. "So nothing happens to your body. I can't bury you the same way a husband can bury his wife."

He pulled out a match. "Gabriel, I'm not sure how long what we had would have been but I know that I would have grown old with you." He flicked the match against the side of its box. "I should have fought Michael." He threw the lit match on the bed. "But this can't be goodbye. This won't be because I'm going to bring you back to life. Somehow, I will." Back in the bunker, he packed his traveling backpack with some ingredients and tools he would need. He ran out of the bunker before Castiel had the time to say his name. Leaving with the door closing. "I thought he wasn't supposed to leave." ,said Jack. "He's not." Castiel pulled out his phone. "I'm going to call Dean."

Sam took a ride from a random driver who was kind enough to take him to where he wanted to go. "Right here!" The driver stopped. Sam got out of the car. He waved at the driver who drove off. He inspected the crossroads. It was one of a few places where demon dealing could be done. He set his bag down and began to work. He used the box that he found in the storage room to fill in what he needed. He used one of his fake ID's as part of it. Piling up some of the dirt, it took no time at all to hear a voice. "Sam Winchester." He turned. The demon, in his black suit with blue tie, had a black ponytail and dark skin. "The man who watched Gabriel the Archangel fall. An archangel who only cared about saving his own skin." He glared at the demon who stopped walking about as he talked. "Yet, he saved everyone because of one human. You." "This isn't about me." The demon smirked. "Everything is about the Winchesters. You are no exception. First it was Dean and Castiel. Now, it is you and Gabriel. And the both of you have caused quite a stir." "I don't care about that. I just want him back."

"The great hunter, Sam Winchester, doesn't care about his actions on humanity?" "You know that's not what I meant! Please! All I want is to make a deal!" The demon laughed. "Do you really think that I can snap my fingers and your dear angel will appear? If I could do that then I would be resurrecting our own army instead of those winged pests!" "Don't talk about them like that!" "Why? They don't matter to you. It's clear that you're only trying to defend him." The demon walked closer. "Face it, Sam. Gabriel's dead and nothing can bring him back." "Shut up!" Sam pulled out an angel blade. He aimed for his chest. The demon teleported himself behind him. Sam quickly turned. The demon raised his hand which threw Sam off his feet as the angel blade skidded across the ground from his hand. "This was fun while it lasted." The demon smiled. "Goodbye Sam." He disappeared. Sam grabbed a handful of dirt while his fingers curled inward. He punched the ground multiple times as if it'll be the seal to break the mess he blamed himself for. When nothing happened, he laid on the road. Quiet as can be, he hoped for a car to drive by.


	4. Nephilim's Recall

Sam stood from the road after coming to the conclusion that it was too late for anyone else to be around. He stuffed the angel blade back under his pants. Digging the box up, he placed back inside his backpack. He would have to walk on foot. "There's another way. There has to be." He worried that the demon deal wouldn't work so he had backups. The next best option was going to be Jack. He started the walk towards home. Luckily, the next day, he got himself another ride which was close enough to the bunker. He headed downstairs to the map room where Dean was sitting there with a drink in one hand and a bottle nearby. "Where were you, Sam?" "On a hunt. It was a simple job." "Why didn't you tell any of us?" "It was nothing to worry about. Besides, I'm not five anymore." ,said Sam. "No but you are part of the family. We need to know if we're all safe." Sam sighed. "Dean, it was just a hunt. Can you back off?" His brother stood. "I need to back off? How about the times I leave you alone for one second and something crazy always happens?!" Sam shook his head. "You know what? I don't have time for this. I'm going to my room."

Dean never tried to talk to him. Sam entered his room. He let the backpack drop near his bed. He placed the angel blade under his desk. "Sam?" It was his solution. "Jack, can you close the door? I need to talk to you. Alone." Jack did. "What is it?" Sam sat at the edge of the bed. Jack was standing in front of him. His gut told him something. "What's wrong? You don't seem....happy." "You brought Castiel from The Empty." "...I did." ,said Jack who nodded. "Can you do something like that again?" "Wh-What are you talking about? Sam, I barely have any grace left. I'm close to the human part of myself." "You might still have enough. You can bring Gabriel back." "I know how you feel. We're all sad that we lost him but-" "This is more than that!" ,said Sam. Jack became confused. "Why do you want him here so badly?" Sam clasped his hands. He messed with his thumbs. Staring at the floor, he swallowed. He shifted his gaze to Jack. "Me and your uncle....Gabriel and I-" He licked his lips. Unable to utter another word. Finally, he forced it out. "I loved him. And he loved me."

Jack arched a brow. "You and-" Sam nodded. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to that. I mean I never thought about other people falling in love with angels." Sam was surprised he didn't ask about the gender thing. He shrugged. "And you want me to wake him up." "Please Jack! He can't be dead! He shouldn't!" "I told you already! I can't use my powers!" Sam shook him violently. "Just do it! Bring him here! Make him appear!" "Get off of me!" Jack shoved him. Sam hit the bed. He reached out a hand towards Gabriel. The cut up archangel wearing nothing but a large sack, which was made into a prisoner outfit, was frightened at the thought of someone touching him after the seventeen years of torture Asmodeus had put him through. He fell off the chair and crawled back. He sat up. He sobbed as he gripped his own arms. His head hung down. "I loved him and he decided to die." "Sam." Jack went by his side. "You're not alone. I miss him too." Sam fell into the hug. Jack didn't let go until he was finally calm enough. "I should get Cas. He'll know what to do."

"No!" Jack stopped at the door. Sam stood. He rubbed the tears off. "I can deal with this by myself." "I lost my mother. I needed all of you to feel better." "This is different, Jack." "How?" "It just is. So leave, now." Before Jack closed the door behind him, he said, "You're forgetting something very important, Sam. He was my uncle and I loved him too." Sam locked the door after he was gone. He thought about what he said. He kept forgetting that everyone else had a sense of loss too. Castiel had lost a brother. For Jack, it was his uncle. With Dean, it was....a friend? And as for Sam, his lover. He looked at the ceiling. "God, why won't you answer? Just do something! Please! Give him back to us...." He waited for a reply but again there was nothing. He was starting to expect that more and more. No mythical being would or could seem to help them in any way. "Rowena." Rowena was a witch friend of theirs who knew all kinds of spells, potions, and rituals. She also had a special book. The Necronomicon.

Someone knocked on the door. Sam wouldn't leave his bed. "Come in." Mary entered. "Hi Sam." "Mom? What are you doing here?" "Dean told me about last night." Last night. He had been crying about Gabriel when Dean found him outside of the bunker. Sam was laying on his stomach. He clutched the pillow that was underneath his chin. "I'm fine mom. I don't need to talk abou-" "Yes, you do. You're my boys. I know when something makes you sad." She sat on the bed. She rubbed his shoulder. Sam couldn't face her. "This is about Gabriel, right?" "Let me guess. Dean told you about our relationship?" "Yeah but I knew it before he even said anything. Moms know a lot more about their children than you would think." She poked his nose. He held a small smile but it disappeared faster than she could utter another word. She sighed. "You know, when I learned that your father was dead and I was alive, it devastated me at first. In the end, after I had my tears, I knew what I had to do. For you and your brother and this new family of ours." She looked around. "For this home and for myself."

Sam hid his face into the pillow. His body was visibly shaking. "I would never think of you as anyone different for falling in love with an angel. Man or not. I am just so proud of you for doing what you have been doing." She kissed his head. She walked to the door. He turned to her. "Mom, I know losing dad wasn't easy. Not for any of us." Mary nodded. "Please Sam. Gabriel died for all of us. We're fighting for people like him. Like your father. Don't give up on everything." "I won't." Hearing the door closed, he shut his eyes. There was a knife in his drawer. He thought about using it right there but he still needed to talk to Rowena. He fell fast asleep with the constant aching pain in his heart.


	5. Desperate To Love Again

Sam put down the pencil. He massaged his writing hand. There were cramps all over. I didn't think I was getting that old. Curious, he rolled up his sleeves. The scars were still there. It would be a while before he could wear regular shirts again. "I'm sorry, Gabriel. I let you down." Some of the scars were jagged and messy. The deeper ones on his wrists were the reason why he needed stitches. Those cuts healed but in the end, they were all the same. He pushed his sleeves down. His hands rubbed over his face and stopped at the sides of his forehead with a gloomy sigh. Flashes of monsters eating animals and humans popped into his head. There were organs everywhere. He pinched the brim of his nose. He groaned. His head was pounding. He fell over. The chair slammed against the floor.

Before Jack's Soulless Days

Rowena answered the phone. "Sammy my boy! What can I do for ya?" "Hey, uh...Rowena. I need to ask you something." "Ok?" "Can the Book of the Dead resurrect archangels?" "Sam-" "I'm running out of options! It's the only thing I've got!" She stared at the book. It was on the table where she sat crisscrossed in front of it. "Even if you do complete the ritual correctly, he may not come back the same way you would think. His heart will be completely different. He may not even remember you. Or worse...his morals will disappear." His hand, which was holding the phone, was shaking. He held in his breath and swallowed. "Think about what you will bring to this world. Heaven and Hell knows what how I tried to bring my son back through your sacrifice. One of my own friends. Would you sacrifice someone just for your selfish needs?" "I'm doing this for Gabriel!" "Are you?" "Rowena, I watched him die! Doesn't anyone get that?! I froze like a deer in front of some headlights! This is my chance to make things right!"

She sighed. "Ok Sam. You can see me right now. I can teach you how to perform the ritual." "Thank you." She hung up. She called someone else. Someone she knew could put some sense into that thick skull of his. Sam packed his bag. He got into a few layers to keep himself warm. He headed to the garage. "Sam! Wait!" He turned to him. "Just let me do this, Dean. Resurrecting him will solve everything." "Rowena told me everything. You don't think I don't know what's going to happen when he does come back? Trying to raise the dead never helped any of us! We've made too many deals with too many monsters before! Did you learn nothing from that?" "Sam?!" ,said Castiel who was followed by Jack. Sam stepped forward. "Jack, think about this." He smiled. "Your uncle can be there for you when you need help. Castiel can have his brother to joke around with him. Don't you guys get it? He can be a part of our lives again!" Castiel gave him a pitiful gaze. "I know how hard this must be for you, Sam but you can't do this. This will only end badly. If Gabriel knew that you used something as dangerous as that and found you dead, he would try to find any way to bring you back too. This cycle of saving each other won't stop until you can accept that he is dead."

"But he doesn't have to be! I-" The angel shouted, "HE'S DEAD!" Sam glared. "Fine! If none of you will come then I'll go on my own." He opened the door to the light blue old car. Dean immediately slammed the door closed. He leaned against the vehicle. "No, Sam. This is crazy. Just get inside." "Get out of my way, Dean!" "I said go inside!" "We're not doing this." "I'm not the one here who's making things difficult." ,said Dean. Sam dropped the bag. He shoved him. Castiel grabbed his arms from behind as he was about to reach the handle of the door. Dean took no time in gripping his legs. Sam tried to kick him but slipped which gave Dean a disadvantage to hold him up. Castiel followed his idea. Sam continued to struggle. "Stop it! All of you! Let him go!" ,said Jack. Surprised by his outburst, they did. Sam stood. He grabbed his bag and stormed past them to his room.  
He slammed the door shut. With it locked, he laid on the bed. "So, you've tried everything huh? That doesn't sound like the whole truth." ,said Gabriel. Sam sat up. "Gabriel?!" He ran to hug him but found himself through him. Gabriel zoomed to the right. "No, you're not. You're only in my head." The archangel smirked. "Does it matter? You wanted me here." He spread his arms out. "So I am, Samsquatch!" "You don't sound like you care." "I would be if you weren't so afraid of your own opinions. It seems like you've got to judge yourself somehow. I mean sometimes I have to know what type of chocolate I'm really looking for. You have to know whether or not you're being a dumbass because you just swing right up to the plate!" "Shut up! This isn't you! You wouldn't say these things to me!" ,said Sam. "I'm not exactly real, jackass! But I know what can be real." "What?" "You and Gabriel. Happily together forever in Heaven." "How? Castiel said that-" "He's a liar!" Gabriel sat on his lap at the bed he was sitting on.

His legs were spread apart with his arms wrapped around his neck. "Don't you want all of this back?" He kissed him then pushed him to the bed. The kisses continued. His lips moved to his neck where he bit hard. Sam tried to get away. He was lost in distasteful pleasure. "You're not him!" Gabriel smiled. "Does it matter? You wanted this anyway. Somehow, you just want to hook up with him. That's all you ever cared about, isn't it? Well, I can do it for you." He unbuckled his belt. Sam kicked him off. The fake Gabriel hit the wall. Sam fixed his belt. "I never liked him for his body! I loved him because he and I both know what it's like to be the odd ones out! To try and make things right even when no one wants our help! And when we needed his help, he did everything he could because of me! I did the same for him...." "Then go ahead." Fake Gabriel handed him the knife from his duffle bag. "If you want to see him so badly then go to Heaven. He's waiting there. You know that."

Sam accepted the weapon. The fake Gabriel was gone but he didn't hear any wings flapping or anything. He just disappeared. Sam didn't care. He had a way of seeing his boyfriend. If he wasn't going to bring him to this world then he might as well go to the one up above. He sat at his chair and began to cut rapidly without stopping. Each arm had many cuts but none were as deep compared to the ones on his wrists which he made sure were enough to make him bleed out. He dropped the bloody knife. Dean banged his fist against the door. "Sam! Who the hell's there with you?! Sam!" Everything finally became clear for Sam. He realized that Heaven built on illusions. None of it was real. Mourning alone had made him have false hopes in a happy ending. There were no happy endings. Only a sad truth. "Dean! Guys! I-!" He shut his eyes for a second. His breathing grew fast. He fell over. "Get out of the way, Sam! I'm coming in!" Dean kicked the door off its hinges.

Castiel and Jack were both shocked as much as Dean was but were quick to help. "Son of a bitch!" Dean pulled the sheets off the bed. He ripped them apart and used the pieces to keep pressure on the cuts. With those sheets tied over his arms, Mary had already gotten the Impala ready. Dean and Castiel carried Sam into the backseat. "I want to come!" ,said Jack. "Sorry kid but there's not enough room. Just stay here with Cas. We'll let you know anything." "But-" Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please Jack. This is one of their own flesh and blood. It's different." Jack nodded. "I think I get it." They watched the Impala speed off.


	6. A Hard Farewell

Arriving at the local hospital, Dean shouted. "I need a doctor! Somebody help us!" They were carrying Sam inside. A bed was ready for them as soon as a doctor and a few nurses heard his cry. He laid him on the bed. "Is he allergic to anything?" "No!" They proceeded to ask him questions with Mary sometimes answering. Confirming that they were indeed his brother and mother. Dean tried to follow them into the ER but a nurse stood in front of him with her hand raised. "I suggest you wait outside, sir. We'll let you know how he is soon." Mary looked at him. "They've got him, Dean. They do."

An impatient Dean and a calm Mary were at the waiting room. Dean was shaking his right leg. "It's going to be ok. I'm sure Sam didn't went that far." "How can you be so freaking calm about this? Sam just tried to kill himself!" "I'm worried too but panicking about it won't help us. We have to be there for him." She gave him a side hug. "I know, mom. I just don't know what to do. Did I say something wrong? What did I do?" "You didn't do anything. Every one of us is dealing with what happened in the Apocalypse world. Sam still hasn't moved on yet either. Imagine if Castiel died. I know that you would be devastated." Dean nodded. "Yeah, I would."

Sam could hear the birds singing. The grass was green and the trees were alive with the sun shining on the world. "Gabriel?" The archangel was standing there with an orange butterfly on his hand. It flapped its wings then flew far into the sky. He meant his gaze. "Hey Sam." Sam brushed his cheek. "Are you real?" Gabriel kissed the top of his hand as he held it. "I'm just a part of this dream. What you imagine your Heaven to be like." "Wait a minute! Am I-?" "No, you're only dreaming." ,said Gabriel. "Dreaming? Am I in a hospital?" "Yes and they're saving you." "I'm not even sure if I want to be saved." "You should because everybody needs you. They all want you to live, Sam. They care about you." "I know that but I need you too. I can't stand it anymore! Everyday, I have to live while knowing that you're dead and there's nothing that I can do to fix any of this!" Gabriel took his hands in his. "Do you remember when I told you that some people have to let go? That nothing good comes out of trying to save the one person you love? Even if it is me Sam, you have to look at what caused you to end up on that hospital bed."

Gabriel held him close when he saw those tears rain down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I really am." "I can't stop missing you." "You don't have to. All I want you to do is stay strong for our family." At the touch of his lips, Sam found himself back in the real world. "Oh thank God! Sam!" His brother leaned forward. "Dean?" Sam tried to sit up. He flinched. The pain shot out from his arms. He lifted them up to find bandages all over the cuts he had made. "I really did this." "Yeah and you scared us close to death." "Dean!" ,said Mary. Dean bit his lip. "No, it's ok. He's right mom." Sam sat up. "I was being selfish." "You weren't, Sam. We know you did it because of what happened but we're here for you. You can open up to us." Sam wrapped his arms around himself. He was shaking into a sobbing mess. Dean sat at the edge of the bed. He pulled him in for a long hug. "God damn it, Sammy."

Present Day

"Sam!" Dean checked his pulse. Confirming that he was alive, he shook him. "Sam, wake up!" Sam barely opened his eyes. "D-Dean?" Dean placed a hand against his forehead. "You're burning up. C'mon. Let's get you to bed." "But Dean-" "Shut up and rest!" He dragged him to the bed. Sam tried to stay awake. "I remember. I remember everything since I helped Gabriel." "Helped?" "While you and Ketch were out there, I was trying to get Gabriel to feel safe. I gave him food and tried to clean that blood off but...." Sam coughed. "I couldn't- No, I stood there but if I had tried to stop Michael. Maybe the both of us." "What? Are you saying something kept us from doing that?" ,said Dean. "I don't know. I just wanted to save him but I didn't feel like I was in control of myself. In that moment, I wasn't the only one there." "Maybe something was there. Maybe we were just afraid. Who knows? But you've got a fever and right now, the best thing you can do is get better." "Dean?" "Yeah?" "I don't blame you or anyone else for Gabriel's death. I'm sorry if I scared you when I did what I did. Gabriel put his life on the line for us. No one else made him do it." "Well, I'm glad you see it that way. I know it wasn't hard to lose him. Anytime Cas died, I thought I was going to freaking lose it but I kept going for us. For everyone."

Sam chuckled. "You and Cas. I never thought about it until now. I'm glad you found someone. You haven't really been able to hold up any other relationships." "Watch Sammy or I'll feed you some mystery soup." The thought of a strange soup made Sam let out a disgusted noise. Dean smiled. He pat his arm. "I'll go get you some chicken noodle soup. That'll help." He left the room. Sam faced the ceiling. He clutched his chest right where his heart was and swallowed the pain. "Goodbye...….Gabriel."


End file.
